The good news about feeling crummy on this beautiful day is that I got to read more of Velvet Elvis. I found this passage particularly striking because I know this feeling that Bell is talking about. That exhilarating, refreshing moment where you feel so high and so right with the world. I have felt it at concerts, at a mountain top in Panama overlooking a waterfall, at a rush of green mountains and valleys in Ireland last summer, at a parking lot in Saluda crying my eyes out thinking that I couldn't bear living in my own mind, and just last weekend when I put Mayson to sleep beside me and heard her little baby breaths. Even just talking about it makes my eyes burn a little! (Sap.) It's not all just the scenery or people that create this wave of ecstasy. It's knowing where it all came from and knowing that you've got something special, something that is all powerful, all forgiving, and all loving even when you aren't those things.
When I wake up in the morning I lounge for about 5-10 minutes then I get in the shower. When I'm in the shower, I pray. Mostly I pray for other people, Mama, my beloved, my family, my friends. Then I pray that I will have a good day, that I'll be kind, and that I will pick the right choice, His way instead of my way. I'm sure you know what I mean. Whenever I am affected by something, anything from turning left to head to school to how I'm going to handle people that can get under my skin, I have a choice on how to handle it. It's either going to be my way (and my way usually involves some cussing and rolling on the ground in a tantrum fit...not really, I embellish...a little) or God's way. Which is comforting, it's mellow, it's accepting and tolerant. It's the attributes I strive to maintain.
I also pray on the way to school, and selfishly, it's usually for a good parking spot.
That's one of my favorite things about serving such an incredible God; He gives you indelible moments to remind you that it's all connected, that He is always there and doesn't just "show up" when you need Him. The land, the creatures, the people, and the experiences that make you, the "truth" as Rob Bell describes it are all strategically placed for you to experience Him. As a Christian, I know I am supposed to speak out the word of God to nonbelievers, and frankly, it's something that I don't do. It seems very personal to me and I don't know how to go about it. In the past, I've suggested or let friends read Blue Like Jazz. Don Miller should probably send me a thank you card for how many copies I've purchased over the years. But he tells a better story than I do. If I did share about my belief, I would speak of those said pivotal moments of crying, of seeing beauty, of hearing life. It makes worldly things look so trivial and it allows you to let yourself go in to something that you want to consume you, even if you aren't sure what it is. It's impulsive, it's scary, but it's something worth living for.
Going to take my philosophizing to the sculpture room now to work on a stomach...
But I leave you with a picture of the fat boy:
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