New, indeed

Well, we survived the end of 2012.  Sorry Mayans.  I'm not one for getting all hyped on or for New Year's but I feel a little different about that this year.  Maybe it's because of all the new that I'm already experiencing and expecting.  It's kind of exciting.  How's that for alliteration?

Wrapping up 2012:  The most productive, in terms of art, year of my life.  And it wasn't a drag like it got to be when I was in undergrad because there were no real rules to it.  Getting to do something that I really love for a year has been a blessing.  It's also spoiled me.  It's raised my confidence enough to apply to grad school (did I mention I did that last week??). 
In terms of personal life, it's been a year of ups and downs with relationships of all kinds.  Overall, it's probably taught me that I've got to be honest with myself at all times and that I need to accept people/things for what they are.  As Auntie always says, people do what they want to do.  As Benable says, you've got to realize what kind of relationship it is and either accept it or move on because people don't really change that much.  As a certain bald friend claims, it's easier to see the other side of things when you aren't the one going through them.  Perspective.  It's better than gold.  I'm so lucky to be surrounded by such wise, advice-giving people.  That's me being sincere.

It seems fitting that I'm ending this year with such goofy happiness.  Maybe it's because I found a church that I love attending, maybe it's because my applications for grad school are finished, maybe it's because I'm proud of myself for making smart, mature decisions this year, or maybe it's because I just downloaded an assload of songs on Itunes. 

Idilemma and Choices

When in doubt, the perfect gift (for me at least) is an itunes card.   But the problem is that if you don't get one or more, you're left with the dilemma of choosing.  And Pandora adds to the problem by letting you like and bookmark songs and musicians.  Which makes the itunes wish list longer and longer.  Thereby impossible to make a decision. 

Then there's the problem of loyalty.  The musicians that you've loved forever and will always buy their albums because of that.  Good or bad.  Do they trump the new finds?  And what if all the hype for a new artist leads to disappointment after you've chosen them?

This is my thought process whenever I get an Itunes giftcard.  It takes me days to finalize who I'll choose.  Quite a problem.  Tears my nerves up.

And speaking of torn nerves.  The house has sold, new owner coming in in a month.  I asked if she needed a roomate but she didn't seem to go for it.  (I don't know why because I'm very clean, I'll run errands, and I'll always shower last and let you park in the driveway while I park in the grass.)  Where does that leave me you ask?  S town bound.  A place I haven't lived since I was 18.

 

This has been just one of the major changes in my life recently.  Last week wasn't my best.  But I got through it.  I kept describing it as "my life is falling apart, everything is a mess."  But that's not true.  It's not a mess, it's just a bunch of choices to be made all at the same time.  Overwhelming, yes, but not a mess.  The best thing to do (I have realized, now that I'm not obsessing) is to just keep moving forward. Get through each hoop.  And while I've always thought I'm very adaptable to change, the truth is that I'm not.  It takes me two weeks to six months to get comfortable with something new, person or place.  But the good news is that Saluda is not something new.  There may be a few new people and hopefully a new job, but it's what it always has been: a place representing safety and comfort.  And my hesistation to go there has been so because I've seen it as a sign of something else.  Maybe failure, maybe dependency, maybe drama.  But that's a mindset and a situation that I can control.

Yesterday I found myself asking God to help me lose control and accept people and situations for what they are.  Saluda is the biggest test of that.  So maybe that's why I'm lead there.  To get through this test.  To jump the hoop and move on to bigger and better things (mfa, fingers crossed).