Getting Your Picture Taken is Awkward

Stigall and I had a big day yesterday.  After our first premarital financial counseling at church in the morning, we made the long drive to S-town.  Aunt Jules is a great photographer so she offered to do some engagement photos for us.  This is pure torture for both of us since we don't like getting our picture taken.  Stigall doesn't mind it as much, especially if he doesn't have to be serious about it.  I, however, loathe it entirely.  I grew up with my mom taking pictures of everything I ever did.  Every first day of school, every day I drove when I turned 15, every time I wore a dress, every time I blew my nose.  Unfortunately with smart phones, her obsession with capturing every little thing has gotten worse.  Yesterday she took pictures while I was explaining what cake flavor we wanted.  It also makes it harder when you're being told to pose lovingly in an unnatural position and in an environment that you would never act like that in.  At one point Jules said, "You act like you don't want to be doing this!" to which we immediately responded, "We don't!  Mama is making us!"  

All that to say, the ones Stigall and I liked the best are the ones where we were making phone of the cliche engagement photos or were talking about how uncomfortable we were.  Here are our favorites:

"You are free to create the worst junk in the world"

This semester I've determined to be nicer to myself when it comes to my art practice.  Yes, I do not spend every waking second in my studio, I do not lose sleep over things I "should" be doing.  I'm easing up on myself because I have a job, a small group, church, a dog, and a fiance.  These aren't excuses for why I'm not letting grad school consume and overwhelm me, they are parts of my reality.  My reality is what the content of my work is about, as I try to understand and convey it. Without these things, perhaps there wouldn't be any sculpture at all!

When classes started, one of my seminar professors suggested reading Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg as an inspiring read discussing writer's block.  I was hesitant at first, thinking it might be more dreaded art theory kind of stuff.  But no, this book was clear, honest, helpful, and enjoyable.  Relief!  

While the book is about writing, if you switch out writing with creating, it is still application to art making.  Here are some excerpts I connected with:

"It takes a while for our experience to sift through our consciousness.  For instance, is is hard to write about being in love in the midst of a mad love affair.  We have no perspective.  All we can say is, 'I'm madly in love,' over and over again...Our senses by themselves are dumb.  They take in experience, but they need the richness of sifting for a while through our consciousness and through our whole bodies...Our bodies are garbage heaps: we collect experience."

"There was an article in the newspaper several years ago about a yogi in India who ate a car.  not all at once, but slowly over a year's time.  I told this to a group of third-graders in Minnesota.  One student looked at me and burst in to tremendous laughter.  Right from the beginning there was no logic in it.  It is absurd...In a sense, this is how we should [create].  Not asking 'Why?,' not delicately picking among candies, but voraciously, letting our minds eat up everything and spewing it out with great energy.  We shouldn't think, 'This is a good subject for [creating].'  [Creating] is everything, unconditional.  There is no separation between [creating], life, and the mind.  If you think big enough to let people eat cars, you will be able to see that ants are elephants and men are women.  you will be able to see the transparency of all forms so that all separations disappear."

She makes several great points that are so applicable to any sort of creating.  She is redundant about "just doing it" when it comes to her writing.  My problem is that I heehaw around because I worry my ideas are foolish and are not what the faculty wants me to do.  I'm starting to get over that and instead to consider the notion to just create.  Who cares what they think?  This is my time, my MFA degree.  So I should just do it.  

Holiday adventures and, oh yeah, I'm engaged!

Such a long time without a new post!

So many wonderful things have happened and I've been on the road a lot this month.  The most exciting and an important thing that's happened to me is I got engaged! I'll put it in chronological order, so we will get to that.

School ended well and I'm excited that I got through my first semester.  I did not necessarily love it but I learned some new stuff and worked with new material.  I'm not especially proud of any of it which is why I'm not posting pictures.  I hope that by the end of next year, or this coming semester, I will be able to compare it to newer work that I am proud and excited about.  Classes start tomorrow and, in all honesty, I'm not looking forward to it.  Something about the school institution and the demand to produce sucks the creativity and desire out of me.  It doesn't help that I'm still having a hard time driving myself to create work without an agenda given to me.  It feels like I've lost everything I once knew when it came to making art and now it's a requirement that feels forced and contrived.  Or perhaps it is because I have so many things in my personal life to look forward to that it just seems dull in comparison.  Like Harry Burns said, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

Once school got out, Aunt Juls and I drove to Virginia to see my other Aunt Leezal.  It was a pretty long drive and Cedar was with us.  He needed to be close to me so he spent most of the time with his head on the center console and his behind up in the air on the back seat.  

 We only stayed a couple days but it was nice to see my aunt and uncle and to see the town of Fredericksburg.  It's an interesting little place with a cool downtown and about thirty or more antique shops.  We also went to a neat little local store that had antiques as well as items made by locals such as jewelry, art, etc.  They had a guy playing guitar and free popcorn when we went.

 Lukey and my old roommate Stella.

 We crossed Virginia to Maryland on this giant bridge a couple times.  My fear of heights has never been so heightened.  See what I did there?

 Santa and free hot cider.

 Once we made it back to South Carolina, Stigall and I started our own road trip.  We stopped to see my Papa and Dad in McCormick first.  I think Papa was secretly ecstatic that I brought a boy with me, as he is always asking me when I am getting married.  After that, we headed to Saluda to have dinner with Benable at the Huddle House.  I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before, but I'm a huge fan of the huddle.  I have fond memories of the place with family and friends and I've never gotten anything there that I didn't like.  Benable and I always end up at a local place for lunch or at the huddle house.  During the summer, when we were in high school,  we would hang out at the library, get coffee at the Caper House, and sit at the bar and eat at the Huddle while our friend Latrina did the dishes there.  It was a fun time.

It was good to see him.  He has been in Michigan for the last three years.  He just graduated from University of Michigan Law School and will finally have a chance to breathe and rest for a little while.

 Finally, that night we made it to Georgia to stay with my mom for a couple days.  We had Christmas Eve dinner back in Saluda with the family and Christmas day with Mama and Bryan.  Our Christmas Eve is a huge deal and if you don't make it you are sure to be gossiped about like the black sheep you will become.  Stigall wasn't familiar with the amount of children running around and wrapping paper being flung in the air as the little ones opened their gifts.  It's exciting to watch and to be a part of.

 I also had a birthday during our adventure.  It's not a birthday (or Christmas) unless my mom wears her robe in the picture above.  It's the robe she brought me home from the hospital in and a staple for being home for the holidays.

 Bryan picked out a delicious chocolate truffle cake for my birthday and Mama made one of my favorite meals of hers, hot dogs and coleslaw. Keeping the Christmas tradition alive, we also watched The Silence of the Lambs.  

On the road again.  After a couple days in Georgia, we headed back to our homes and left for Ohio that next morning.

 There we are, not an hour in, feeling good (and looking fresh).  Stigall drove the whole way.  The gps got us all turned around and we ended up being on the road for 12 hours or more.  It was a beautiful ride but a very long one.

Here's a clip of when we drove through the mountains of Tennessee:

Cincinnati

Ohio!

We stayed with Stigall's grandparents.  The peak of that was good, delicious food.  The pit was that is stayed on seventy eight degrees in the house.  The picture above is of the large field behind their house.  

Stigall and I decided to walk the property back there.  I won't go in to all the details because those are mine to cherish, but that is where he got down on one knee.

Proof!

There was a lot of smiling, excitement, a few tears, and a long, heartfelt prayer.  I realize how insane it sounds to be engaged two months and two days after dating someone.  But what they say is true: when you know, you know.  It's not just a gut feeling either; I have never doubted for a moment that this is the man God wants me to start a life with.  I'll spare you the gushy mushy details, but it is secure, it is good, and I cannot wait to start and spend a life with Stigall.

Most of my family got the news from the picture of the ring or through facetime.  You can't tell in the picture above, but Aunt Jewls is at the bottom left.  I think most of my family are still in shock (and relief) that I am finally getting married.  And so soon!  I told them when we first started dating that this is the man I'm going to marry and I know that it will be soon.  It's kind of crazy how God moves and spreads His will through our lives.  When I called my friend Cam, she said that she knew it was going to happen because while she was praying one night, she felt God tell her that I would be getting married soon.  She had told her mom the day before that she wouldn't be surprised if it happened around Christmas. She gave me encouraging words and said she knew not to worry or question it because it is good.  And because she knows, like everyone else does that knows him, that Stigall has a heart for Jesus. 

As soon as I got the ring, I kept sending obnoxious pictures of it to my aunts and mom.  

First time being engaged shopping at TJ Maxx!

First time eating spaghetti engaged!

First time making guacamole engaged!

He didn't really. But this is funny.

The first family photo while engaged!  Cedar stayed at a kennel while we were in Ohio.  We were tempted to call up there and ask to have him put on the phone so he could hear the good news.

By New Year's Eve we were spent from all the traveling.  However, we did decide that it would be worth the trip to Greenville to eat dinner at Bacon Brothers with the McAbees.  The girls sat on one end while the boys sat on the other, competing to see whose mustache was the best, I suppose.

December 1st 2013

Today was a big day: Cedar's first birthday and my baptism.  (Also my friend Brandt and Aunt Julie's birthdays!)

The plan was to have a party for Cedar at the dog park.  The poor bo got sick on Thursday and had to go to the vet yesterday morning.  He's got kennel cough (the dog version of bronchitis) and has been pretty sluggish.  He's contagious so he has to stay home for the next week and finish his antibiotics.  The party will be postponed.

 I've been wrestling with baptism for about a year.  I think I talked about it in a post earlier this year.  I was sprinkled as a baby but changed churches and knew that immersion was the next step for me.  If we are called to be Christ-like then it's the way to go.  I'm glad I waited as long as I did because I don't think I truly understand what that meant until recently.  The profession of faith and the purifying of sins is huge but publicly announcing your decision to follow and strive to be like Jesus is the part that I like the best about baptism.  I know that I'm at a good church and have good relationships that will keep me accountable in doing that.  

Side note, there's just no way to keep your composure and look cool when you're wet.  Especially when you're a short haired girl with a flat, pea head.

I have been looking forward to seeing these people for days.  It is a privilege and a blessing to love them.

Today was one of the best days.

The end of October and the month of November

Fall is the best part of the year.  The colors, the mountain views, the weather, no shave November, pumpkin flavored everything, plaid; there isn't one bad thing about it.  (Except maybe football, but that's over now...no more 17 hour home game shifts for me.)  It's also a great distraction.  

On Fridays, the fella' and I have been venturing out in search of wonderful places.

An apple orchard in Sky Top, NC.

Brasstown Falls in Westminster, SC.  If you look to the left of this picture you can see little tiny Cedar under that hanging log.

Current happenings in MFA life include...

 Lindsay napping in my studio on my couch.  The ceramic students have a big bowl sale every year and end up turning out around 50-100 or more bowls.  This takes up a lot of their time throughout the whole fall semester.  The sale was last week and not only do they sale their bowls, they provide free soup with the purchase of a bowl.  They also make the soup.  Her nap was well earned.

I've been working on this blanket piece all semester.  Not consistently.  They encourage our first year to be about experimenting with new mediums and even new media.  This can be freeing and exciting at times because you don't necessarily have to "finish" something before you start on something new.  However, because I am orderly and need to have final outcomes to learn from, it has been frustrating for me.

 This is my baby blanket that has been cut in to two parts and used so much it's worn out.  I've been weaving pine needles through the gaps as a way to mend and repair it.  Pine needles are, as you probably know, not a very strong or durable material.  They are locational for me and represent family.  (Side note, I tried a performance art piece based on this that I will not be sharing...no, there was no interpretive dancing.)   Pine needles break and do not support the blanket.  Because of this, I'm trying to understand the goals of this piece.  It's okay that it doesn't sustain or preserve the blanket.  I think what I need to understand is the personal need to mend and the obsession with "fixing" it.  This could lead to some work that does, well, work.

 A funny picture of one of the students in the class I teacher assist with walking a previous  3D foundation student's sculpture to the recycling dump.

I've never made work about the relationship with my father before.  It's not something that I've talked about that much because there wasn't a relationship.  I feel like that's something I might not should say on a blog because it feels private, but I think it will be helpful for me to see where I am with this a year or so from this post.  And who knows, it could be helpful to others as well.

  

Since my grandma died a few weeks ago, I've had a couple interactions with my father.  We hadn't talked in a few years.  Light was shed on some things that I didn't (and still might not) exactly know the truth about.  Being in a strong place spiritually helped me forgive and move forward years ago.  But that's not something you just decide on one day.  It's a lifetime commitment, I think.  The choice to accept and forgive and to choose love is big.  A friend recently said to me that the most important days are not the first days, they're the last.  I haven't necessarily asked for a new, mended relationship with my father.  However, it seems like God, in his time, is moving and I feel good about it.  

The teddy bear pictured above is Harvey Bear.  Dad gave him to me a long time ago and said it was his when he was a kid.  He's the newest sculpture inspiration.  Annette Messager is a current artist I'm really digging.  She uses stuffed and real, taxidermy animals in her sculptures.  They're loaded yet at the same time, so simple.

More pictures to come after the final (December 10th).

Thanksgiving was this week.  It's weird to go "home" because my home isn't really there for me anymore.  By that I mean my mom's house, the place I grew up in.  Mama moved to Georgia and a cousin rents our old house.  I usually end up staying with Meme' but she had a full house since a cousin from Colorado and an uncle were down.  I ended up staying with a cousin.  Thanksgiving felt a little off because of this and because some people were missing.  We've been having it at the church social hall because there are too many of us to fit in Meme's house (at least that's what she says).  This makes it feel so impersonal.

Tiffany hosted a gathering at her place on Friday night in Greenville.  It was nice, we grilled burgers and drank two buck Chuck.  Got to see Aunt Lisa, who I haven't seen in a while, and the babies, Avey and May.  We laughed, we told stories, we genuinely enjoyed each other.  This felt like Thanksgiving.

Dalai Lama

I thought I posted this already. Guess not.

About a month ago I went to see the Dalai Lama in Atlanta.  Honestly, I didn't know too much about him (him? his highness? I think they call him his holiness) but the word "enlightening" kept coming up so I was interested in feeling that.  

I feel I should preface this by realizing that as I write, I will probably sound pretty ignorant about the whole thing.  Keep that in mind as these are just my inconsequential and often irreverent thoughts.

Something like 8,000 people showed up.  Again, I had no idea what to expect.  We walked in late and didn't get to see him come out (the friend I was with said this was the best part because of the "energy" that he brought in to the room).  There he was dressed in red with this Styrofoam visor (kind of like one you might decorate with foam stickers at church camp).  At first he gave a speech and then a guy on stage asked him a few questions.  He was very hard to understand so his response was being typed on a screen (although I think the person writing had a hard time comprehending as well because the sentences were incoherent and he backspaced a lot).

Essentially, his message is love and compassion.  That is the gist of what he talked about.  He never fully answered the questions and more of less just said to be a good person.  Maybe I'm being cynical, but I kept thinking, "Duh.  Thousands of people paid $50 a ticket to hear that?"  

It kind of makes me question what humanity is hungry for.  Obviously seeing the Dalai Lama is a trendy thing to do.  I get that now.  But what is at the root of seeing someone deemed "holy"? We all are looking for something to fill whatever hole or gap we see missing in ourselves or maybe in the world.  I do not know whether or not people worship the Dalai Lama but it seems odd to me that all this hype for someone who is just a man.  A good man, yes, but an earthly man nonetheless.  On the peak side, I did appreciate his observation of this century's need for responsibility in bringing about change and peace.  He also mentioned the role of women as maternal figures.  Not to say that we should all have babies, but more so that the caring female role is so important and needs to be restored.  The feminist part of me started to tick a little when he got on this subject but he said it from such a kind place that I knew he wasn't meaning to step on toes.

I can say that I've seen the Dalai Lama.  I am sad to say that I did not feel enlightened after I left.  It was 11:30 and I felt hungry.   

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

A shot taken at the homestead

Cedar and a friend playing at the dog park. 

We have another baby girl in the family.  Baby Avery and big sister May.

 
Baby Mama.  Avery is who I would have been sharing a room with had I not found a place in Clemson.  Can you imagine?